Nothing to say

Nothing to say.q3

Hey dudes one and all! I sometimes feel too tired to write... but i still try in an effort not to let this disappear...

I went for lunch with kailin from my class today... At brekos at holland V around 345 (i was late) and we chatted long... Was really nice cos she was probably the person i was closest to in class, but then never got to talk for... 2.5 yrs so this meeting was great. Got to catch up and exchange views. Nice. So as we were about to part, she got a call and had change of plans, free till night. So we had dinner over dota. Shes not bad tho, and wants to be pro. Heh have i converted more yin to dota?

Yesterday i went to the zoo to take some disadvantaged kids on a fun-filled ride including a KFC lunch. So.. Was cool cos they enjoyed themselves and i had Fen with me to keep an eye on the kids.. Thankz to Meiyin and Siyi for asking me to volunteer. It felt energising being around kids, considering i had only slept one hour the night before, completing my visa stuff and blogging. And after that we went to meiyin's house so she could bathe, then we went together to sang's house to wish his mom happy birthday. Weng (Sang's brother) was late and we waited rather long for him to come home so we could cut cake. Played winning eleven, was fun, but i suck at that. I'm far better at dota.

Well.. Not much left to say. Tired at night.. For once really want to sleep at 2am. Normally its one more game! or eh unsatisfying leh another one... I think im going to fall sick sick again. So eat more vitamins.

Ok time to slp. So goodnite and hope no-one kicks up a fuss about my posts or anything and gets me into the papers for the wrong reason.

Nitez to all, incl Fuzzy my dog and all my bruddas i haven't met for a long time.

PS: Hey dudes who are my friends and have blogs sry if its not on the links toobar on my page. If u like it to be there, let me know the link and stuff on this post thankz! Im working on it!

Heng ah! i thought my previous post didnt register! Lucky me lucky me thats one thing less to fret about. looks like im starting to get into the blogging routine. Dear friends keep me going strong and interesting with comments! Be anonymous if you want to, just need to know what u guys and gals think. My inspirations!

So its 4:13am now. I've got a headache and i've gotta go to the zoo tomorrow morning... i volunteered to take some disadvantaged kids to the zoo. Well i guess its in things like these that some of us find purpose in living, cos u know u're making the difference. Well i hope that i won't be too sleepy to be that person who makes THAT difference to some kid. Or be too grumpy and make the wrong kind of difference. I guess its irresponsible to be waking 2 hours later for this kind of thing. However i was being responsible by finishing most of my stuff for my visa apps. However i was being irresponsible by playing dota after i finished. But everyone needs an escape right?

Dota is my Alt-Ctrl-Del button to things that go wrong in my day. Stubbed my toe? Dota and i feel no pain. Scolded by others? Dota and i feel no anger. Feelings got hurt? Dota and i feel happy as a lark... at least for awhile. Unfortunately running dota takes alot of system resources from me... especially time, which we are all short of. I can't multitask and dota, i can't talk on the phone and dota, i cant listen and dota. But i can thrash some noob arse in dota. I can help my team win a game of dota. I can bond with this group of gamers that have meant more to me with every game together. From strangers to friend's friends, from friend's friend to good friend... Thats how i'd describe one of my friends i treasure today... My listening ear, my Google search toolbar, my mirror on the wall. Things just seem better after talking to that friend. I only hope im as good a friend, and as delightful to talk to. Thanks a ton.

Speaking of tons, heres a lousy joke that got me smiling:


Q: Whats the heaviest noodle in the world?

A: One Ton Mee
(Wan ton mee for those of u who are slower than Xinyi)


Q: Whos the strongest person (lets be objective) in the world?

A: The One Ton Mee seller


Can die right? Crazyness.


So my day today was unexpectedly happy, and yet expectedly sad. U know how the weather can suddenly change from a sunny summer day to a blistering storm in the place called BGR. I guess alot of the time thats cos we're still boys and girls in a relationship. I dont really think i've moved from a BGR to a MWR, i don't think i've really grown that much since i got attached. I still can't handle the stresses of a relationship well. As much as we can all say "its about communication" or "love is commitment", its so much harder than it sounds. Damn u fairytale people who distort truth for all of us. We all hope for a fairy tale ending, but how often does it happen nowadays? 50% of marriages end in divorce (in the States at least), i'm not sure what the figure is in Spore but thats not a pleasant thing at all. Such a far cry from the generation before ours, where hardly any marriages ended in divorce. Not that those weren't unhappy marriages, but rather maybe they knew what they wanted in a relationship. What do i really want? Just to love and be loved. Is that too simplistic? Simple love somehow doesn't seem to exist beyond parental love. Would i be more human if i had more expectations?

Its 4:36 now if i don't go sleep i'll die in front of those kids. Goodnight kids sweet sweet dreams.

"Exit Light/Enter Night
Take my hand
We're off to NeverNeverland"

Ok so i've just finished a few games of dota.. Late cos i was at a classmate's birthday dinner thingie... Not quite a party, but thats the kinda party i like... Rather quiet, relaxed, casual... I got to meet up with my JC classmates again, and it was nice. Just nice. Not excessively nice, but just nice. How i never felt that i could be totally at home with them, i don't know why. For some reason or other i was always overly self conscious around them. But why should i be? What reason have i to be? So i become another self. Not the one my closest friends know, the noisy crazy monkey or the smiley talkative guy, but the reserved one. Quiet as a... quiet... just quiet. Not saying anything more than i should, not saying less than i needed to. But then why should i be a different person? I never found myself to be a person of few words. Not since Primary school where being outspoken made me assistant monitor in class (Chen Zhongyi was monitor). Not since sec 1 when i became a chess fanatic (as did some of my classmates, you know who u are). But i became a doormouse. Quiet as a shadow. That isn't quite the me i'm supposed to be. I exist! I'm not a shadow.

From the above i think its obvious why i had the original title to this blog. Its kinda like more for me to look at myself and watch myself grow (aside from letting friends know whats going on in my life) and also imrpove my english, in preparation for uni life ahead. Ambitious la... but at least i'm making the effort to make that difference for my immediate future.

No dota ppl tonight? Where have all the dota kias gone? Gone to sleep? Hmmz. Then lonely me... Well i'll try to grab another game before i visit my homeland for chess with Uncle Zhou. He's good. Knocks me out of the game in less than a minute always.

I figure this will get boring after awhile, but im enjoying it now... Cos i never managed to keep a diary going, so this is going to be pretty close to that. The diary i never had. And lets see if the discipline of keeping to this will make the difference to the other aspects of my short insignificant life. I do hope of course that i will have a faithful following of blog readers, cos that will give me the motivation to keep trying.

Nightz to one and all,
Kf

Yay my first post! On my first blog! Something that i always said i wanted to do, but never really got down to doing it. So since my i turned 21 yesterday, that makes me and adult. And with great power comes great responsibility. The power to ignore parental consent forms forever.. HAHAHAH.. So to be a responsible person from now on, i shall attempt to take charge of my life and chronicle it down on this blog so that i can reflect on time past and change for the better... Or so i hope.

So why living 2 contradicting lives? Its cos i feel like a social chameleon. Like two different people in two different situations. I didnt really notice it until the army, but then i knew i was always like this. Just different. Especially the ideal me and the real me. I aspire to lead a life of discipline, to embrace greater responsibility, and reach for the stars where dreams are concerned. However in the course of everyday living i find that i have nothing but disdain for the way i live, for letting life push me around, for not having the courage to make a difference in each day. For not being responsible enough to do the things that are more important first. For warcrafting more than i should (ok this one is a really hard fight). For expecting to be able to rise to the occasion, but failing ever so often. So, I will now stand up. I will say I HAVE ARRIVED. I WILL BEGIN TO LIVE. Not just to exist. But to make the choice, and stick with it. To DARE to make that choice.

So congratulate me on making the choice to live, to be the person i could be, not just the person that was, am, or thought i might be. And millions of thanks to the people around me who made living so much more meaningful than it would otherwise have been. I love you all, you know who u are.

Finally i've done something. And im proud of it.
Hooray me!