acct midterm 2 in 20 min

wish me luck. i need it.

Some thoughts on adult living

Its hard living as an adult.

1. You have to consider other people's egos (which always happen to be damn big) or you risk having poor interpersonal relations. And this could come at the expense of upholding moral values.

2. You have to suffer at the whims of people at the workplace, the majority of whom are probably very critical, backstabby, and probably cannot tolerate other people's differences.

3. You become obsessed with self-image because of the judgement of others, which could mean the difference between friend or foe, promotion or retrenchment. And u can't quite ask because it comes at the risk of revealing insecurity.

4. Too much that remains unspoken, and trust that is hard to forge. By the involuntary but necessary complication of matters of the self, adults create their own problems, that children won't experience. Bless the innocent and naive.

5. The necessity of constant self-evaulation: both of actions and of values, as the times change. Do the values we grow up with still apply, or should they change with time and space?

6. What do we want to impart to those who look up to us?

7. Asking yourself if you're content or if you're thirsty for more. And of course, eating the greener grass at what expense?

8. Time can seem to run out.

9. What's money worth to you? What's status in your eyes.

10. It takes longer to recover from setbacks. Young hearts mend fast, old hearts can't last?

V's opening speech

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

See isn't this a good reason to watch V? (Even though it suffers from the hollywood req of a love story). Thanks Em, i'd be too lazy to find out the words myself.

Of happier thoughts

It was sometime back i remember, when i was crossing the road, and there was a bus coming at me. I hadn't quite expected it to be there, but it was foolish to assume that buses don't belong on roads. As its headlights blared at me as it came rushing, I had a thought: Oh ****... And i walked on to safety.

Its not like that bus was close to running me over, nor was it rushing with a mission to eliminate me, but it did trigger afterthoughts. It made me think: So they say seconds before you die, your life flashes before your eyes.

Bollocks. I don't believe it for one instant. You're probably going to scream right before you get hit, carry on as you fly through the air if the wind isn't knocked out of you, and think "OMG it hurts like crap" just before you land on the ground with a sickening thud as your skull splits open on the road. And then maybe as ur spirit rises from your body, it thinks about the people that made a difference to him/her. But thats not quite life flashing before eyes before dying. Thats spirit reflecting after death.

So considering that if we were to perish in an accident, we wouldn't have the time to think about those we love and care for, nor remember happy times that you've been through, maybe we should take some time off every month. Like every second sunday of each month (once a month is acceptable for busy people), to think about our past and the people that mean something to us. Who knows, it might make us happier, wiser, and actually remind us to appreciate the people we take for granted everyday.

Mr Anderson...

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You display a perfect fusion of heroism and compassion.


8481 other people got this result!
This quiz has been taken 29484 times.
29% of people had this result.

Of Philosophy, Change and Such

Well i realise its been some time since i last posted (once again) but if i had posted as often as i thought i should, then i wouldn't have that much time left to study. I've got a midterm tomorrow morning, but then if i don't pen these thoughts down, i will probably spend the next few hours resisting the urge to blog.

So i've pretty much started sleeping alot, in lieu of Dota which i have decided to temporarily suspend till the holidays come, and it seems that now i have two sleeping sessions per day: a 4 hour session after classes (after which i will wake up in time for dinner, just on mon wed and thu) and then another 4-7 hours at night. I guess this isn't quite the best arrangement, seeing that i still take alot of time to get started on the things i have to do, or the things i should be doing. At least, the extra sleep is keeping me more alert in class, but then 5 hours before accounting at 930am is just tough la. Having more sleep's better than having more Dota i guess, at least for now.

I pretty much wish i had more of my Dad's accounting brain, cos I understand the lectures but i can't internalise the information. And that's something that pisses me off cos its just so different from the subjects we used to study. Not that its a bad thing the subjects are different, but then its irritating having to adjust to a different way of doing things.

Doing things in different ways isn't quite as easy as it seemed. I remember when it was soo easy to adjust to different things and understand different methods of getting around to the same idea. Like there could be 3 different strategies to stripping the 84mm, and i could do each one pretty well too. It kinda hit home that i seemingly lost that ability 1.5 months ago, when trying to study for my Accounting Midterm, that i had totally lost my ability to adapt to the kind of studying i needed to internalise Accounting. There i was, making my own notes so i could fully internalise the concepts, understand the intricacies, explain the differences, and you must agree that this is a very GCE kind of way to study. I was expecting questions like "explain the differences between the historical cost model and the GPL model of accounting". But when it came down to answering the homework practice questions, it was more like raw math than anything else. It was about "How do you do this?" and "how should you fill in that?" rather than the "come on you ex-British subjects lets write some essays and show them Americans what English is about". Of course we know textbook questions are like that (recall Emath and Amath textbooks with problems behind each new thing you learn), but wouldn't the exams be more challenging? Something more about theory?

I was so wrong.

The exams were just like that. "this is the situation, show me a balance sheet, and an income statement. If this was like this, then show me that".

I wasted most of my time understanding concepts and definitions, i definitely didn't have enough practice with the problems themselves. With Physics, it was a case of as long as you know F = Gm1m2/r^2 or V =I R (or V = R I as Chan Lei Ping would have it), then the Physics problems were easier than saying the alphabet backwards (it is interesting to note that saying the abc is far easier than anything else, and saying it backwards is rather challenging for the unaccustomed).

So how? I proceeded to get myself a pathetic grade, pretty much the same way i screwed up my Stats final last year. Tsk tsk, it happened last year, why are you shooting yourself in the foot again? Stupid masochist. Never learn ah, never learn... Walk some more, walk slowly ah... KNOCK IT DOWN!

Nehneh.

Then after that horrendous episode of self-stressing about that acct midterm (which was one of the lowest points of me life really, coupled with other problems), i wrote 15 lines of things i discovered (which i rediscovered today during lecture):


Lessons I've Learnt Again and Again
1. Worrying does nothing.
2. Stressing does nothing if excessive.
3. ________ is temporal and should be avoided.
4. ________ is temporal and should be avoided.
5. ________ keeps you awake.
6. Study for exams a week before (at least), not a day before.
7. Get proper meals and sleep around test-times.
8. Coffee works.
9. Green tea's not as good as coffee.
10. Quit thinking and start trying.
11. Most people have it worse off than me.
12. I can do it if i believe i can.
13. I have many friends who care for me.
14. Some friends care more than others.
15. I need a "____ __ __ ____"

Note: Blanks included to protect self from unnecessary scrutiny, those who know me well should know what they are"

SO.


Looking back i remember and almost feel that horrible sense of panic, the desire to just screw the whole matter because i couldn't make the effort to make the difference. I'm so not going to let that happen to me, and the only way is to change my habits, make new ones, and make it me.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I was chatting online sometime ago, and i mentioned that old adage, that the only thing that doesn't change is change itself. And its true. Its gonna happen whether or not you like it, whenever its gonna hurt you the most, may come without warning, and just overwhelm you. So change before you get changed. And maybe u can change the change for a change.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


That's one of the things about the army. I remember only too well the dark blue words etched into the barrack walls:

"Like it or don't like it, take it positively and move on."

We saw that wall everyday, not just because it was where we lived, but when we got "knocked down", we had to look up while doing our pushups, and naturally we'd see that wall, and proceed to brainwash ourselves that this punishment was the excuse for us to build a better body, become fitter, look more buff, and basically come to a point where nothing was too hard at all. Just take it positively and move on. We positively did alot of brainwashing.

But one thing that made that quote stand out from the others, like "the only easy day was yesterday" and "tough times don't last, tough men do", was that this was the only philosophic one. It was the only one that taught you the secret to happiness, in any situation at all. The rest didn't say that you had to have a positive outlook, just that you had to prepare yourself for more suffering at the hands of sadistic psychobitches.

I dare say my life's changed alot in the past year, in all too many ways. I'm growing everyday, shaped by my circumstances, experiences, and the wise words from wise men along the way. I've relearnt the meaning of forgiveness (see previous entries), internalised Batman's "its not who i am, but what you do that defines me", come to terms with change (once again, methods of dealing with this constantly change), exercised more discipline, and am still practicing the things that make me me. I've got plans to include an aura of zhainess in my self-morphing process, and i'm looking back to see what needs change.

Socrates (in Plato's words) said that the unexamined life was not worth living. I think mine's just begun.

Prioritising

Yes, received a wakeup call.

Yes, i won't dota till the exams are over.

Yes, MSN + Blogsurfing max 2hr/day (now thats my only relax mechanism left, but also subject to further reduction)

Yes, i have exams to study for come may, but i will start today.

Yes, i will get a regular sleep cycle as far as possible. And meals too.

Bahamian rhapsody

Finally got some pictures, just thought i'd put some up.

Shout out for GAMING COUPLES

Hey there any of you who read this blog, know of ppl who game as couples? Especially if both play WOW, Maple story, or Gunbound. Can you (the couple) help my dear friend complete this survey please?

at this site.

20 short qns only, those mcq types.
thanks yall

Recovery

Its been awhile since i wrote a proper post. Something less cryptic, something less like poetry, something less like a melancholic sob. So... Its some updating time!

I spent the week in the Bahamas basically getting myself a tan and drinking till the cows came home. Last night (sat night) marked my 10 straight night of drinking. I think that truly embodies my membership in this club called "i drink on days beginning with the letter t: tuesday, thursday, tomorrow and today".

The Bahamas is a pretty nice place to be. The turquoise water makes u wanna jump in it, cos its clear and you can see the seabed. The sand is fine, and the waves are calm (on the other side, the waves washed over my head =)). Well its a nice place to get a tan, and just chill i guess. Club if you will, but then if you're an Asian guy looking for other Asian girls to club with, make sure you bring your own, cos most white chick springbreakers are just looking for other white guys to hook up with.

That said, it was pretty nice chilling and feeling the sun again, but it seems this spring break took a toll on my body. Too much drinking, and too much sun even. On thursday morning i woke up to find my face swollen, my eyes peeping out of 2 narrow slits. Seems like i broke a huge rash on my face that just became one big swollen mess. I wasn't sure if it was the sun or the alcohol, but i did what i had to, and controlled my drinking (and covered my face). I guess it was the sun, cos i forgot to put aftersun lotion on my face and sides, and there the rashes were.

I spent much of my time in solitude, even as it was in the company of 3 other guys (1 nyu, 1 columbia, 1 naval academy). I ran thoughts through my head like a pentium 3 processor (im really not that quick) visualising, revisiting, reminiscing, contemplating, wondering what the future will bring, what my purpose is, and what i really want.

I guess i wasn't much of a loner, but i never felt out of place. It was as if i were happy to be with myself, talking to my id and arguing with my superego.

I definitely am growing, changing, maybe even morphing. I guess my metamorphosis will take place in about 2-3 years time, and then what?

Perhaps then, it will be time for change again. Meanwhile, its back to the real world.

Looking up

looking up and forward to a better tomorrow.

Return of the Jedi

I'm back from outer space.

To err is human, to forgive, divine.

I haven't got many pictures, be an angel and forgive me please.

Escape

Escaping the harsh reality that is this world... At least for awhile

Im not quite sure i will be able to return to it.

Dear friends and family, thanks for loving me

I'll love you back from bahamas.

Unbelievable

Its unbelievable
The things ive heard
in the past 4 hours.

Some things i never expected
Other things too
one happy, one miserable, totally dubious

I've got a plane to catch in 7 hours
No time to sleep
Nothing lasts forever, what do you wanna keep?

Its way too amazing
Way too unbelievable
But thats life

A soap drama that's always been
my
life.

P.S i say it again, you are forgiven.

The Flow Of Nature

Well actually i dont have time to blog but i just thought id say something along the lines of:

Its amazing how feelings go and come
Like the whispering wind
telling us the secrets of being
Of living in a world of ice cream and honey
Amidst a burning hell of anxiety

A baby cries its eyes out
While a desperate housewife
With a nonchalant husband tries
Making funny faces for temporal relief
And it works because
The baby found honey

In the wind that whispers
In the breeze of life
That's all that really mattered
Being there and realising
Love is all around
And actually is

So cliched.

Webcamming with a beer in my hand

2.love is bad for you,
it interferes with the digestion,
the melon of your stomach goes rotten and splits
all the way down your quivering spine.
your tongue goes numb. your mouth
is suddenly filled with biscuit crumbs,
spilling resolutely across her favourite rug
when you try to tell her anything
remotely of importance,
such as 'i love you'.

-Grace


Still so amazing. Wow grace.

What we need

This morning, i woke up 1 hour before class. Enough time to prepare.

Then, i woke up 1 hour after class started. Not enough time to do anything.

Then, i woke up after 14 good hours of slumber.

I've spent the day doing practically nothing, which was a good feeling in a way. Full recovery of my neck, cricked while snowboarding. Dotaed 2 games with a top frag SA, took the stress away. Had a Vietnamese dinner, and confirmed my vacation this spring break to the Bahamas. On impulse really, but not a bad deal. Flight + 4 nights lodging = $400. So looks like i've got something to look forward to again.

On retrospect however, i realised that i lamented this flood of "free time" which really wasn't free. I had some time on my hands, where i didn't want to dota, blog, smash, cook, read, sleep. I really didn't want to do anything at all. Maybe chat with people online, but everyone's like cramming for tests and stuff. I have work to catch up on, but psychologically i still have the whole week to catch up (less now that i'm going on a trip i guess).

And then i realise that as much as we lament time, its pretty useless unless you've got passion. And that's something that's been missing from my life for awhile. I haven't been passionate about much stuff except catching up with good friends, yet i'm reluctant to call. So whets up then? Not much.

I was passionate about chess a few weeks ago, but had no time cos it was in the midst of midterms. I was passionate about snowboarding last month, but grew out of it after the second time when i cricked my neck. I was passionate about dota, blogging and related computorial activities, until... I just kinda didn't. I would like to be passionate about grades and studies but that's not me and will probably never happen.

I need passion for the things i do. I need passion for food, that gives everything i eat the flavour it possesses, that makes food so worth living for. I used to live to eat, until i realised that now i'm just eating to live. Even chocolate and icecream aren't sustaining my passion for feeding myself.

I need passion for exercise, that will get my muscles working and blood pumping. That will force me to enroll myself in the next marathon. I mean, if Kenny Sia can complete it, so can I. Except that i'm not going to take 6:33. Will aim for 5 hours. That is until i find the passion to begin.

I need passion for dota, even. For all you ppl who know me well, you know dota has been an integral part of my life since 2004. I've been known to play from 10am to 6am, not even stopping for a bath or food: i eat and play, toilet in between games.

I need passion for studies, for that result i want to aim for. When i don't aim for a grade, but just to "do well", i find my grades the kind you find at the bottom of a well. Corny, but unfortunately true. A B isn't quite enough for a Singaporean studying at NYU.

I need passion to be zhai. In anything. I had passion for army, i came out OK. I had passion for chess in RI, came out vice capt. I had passion for CS, even can win 2nd prize in a tournament.

Perhaps more than being zhai, i need passion to live. And it's been missing for awhile, so dear readers:

If you find my passion somewhere, please email me so i can come get it from you. Thanks lots.

And now for some photos

Look who's EXTRA! Harharharhar.


Us outside UNO on Valentine's after dinner


I like taking webcam shots. And looking like a pseudobeng while doing so. This is one of my depressing shots.. Got artistic value?


Strangely, i look strange here. Rather unique pose, this one.


Em and I in the NY Metro. I miss chatting long long with her.


When Selina visited some time ago.


Stupid Kiats. To think i dreamed of him last night, and he asked me if i wanted to teach with him at AJC. Then i said i'd prefer TJC. And he said no.


Yes, at death valley. It really is beautiful if you like desert colour.

And i just realised i look kinda different in all these pictures. Hmmm so narcissistic. But then its my blog so... This is my life, and its ending one minute at a time.

Strange, only 19 people online on msn. And all busy/away

Where has everybody gone?

I'm smelling spring break.

But where do i go?

Looks like self-improvement is at hand.w

Resolutions, resolutions.

Time for tuition.

What a weekend

Ok i guess my set of 3 haikus were rather abstract. Anyway, i had a busy weekend, one of the few that i really maxed out. Am feeling happy about it, besides the fact that i went to a pub (which is always a good thing for a guy like me that doesn't chiong).

On thursday night, i forgot what i did. On friday night, i had a NYSA meeting (during which i ate my most complete meal since chinese new year), and after that joined Changge and Weiyao for drinks, with surprise guests from Penn, Qiuwei, Nikolaus and Kevin, and Wilson from UMich, and some other NYU peeps one year my senior. Which was interesting, since this was the first time i joined this group for drinks, but it was cool. Haven't seen Niko and Qiuwei and Wilson in a long long time. So. Got back around 230, and decided if i went to sleep i wouldn't be able to wake early. So i chatted on msn until 545.

Then it was time to prepare for snowboarding (bus leaves at 630) at hunter mtn, which i promised Cliff to go for. Great time, Cliff and Lionel and I had, though without sleep, as Cliff put his surfing expertise into snowboarding. Saw some fusion style there, half squat with hand trailing the snow like cutting the wave.. V cool la, then the board keep spinning also. I tried to perfect my S (but couldnt), had some mega falls, pulled my neck and cracked all my upper vertebra. Which felt good. Then we got back to the Village, had dinner at DOJO restaurant, was bad fake Jap food. The calamari was good though, big and juicy. So by then it was 10ish, but i still didn't sleep. Andrew (from upstairs) was looking for someone to help in his photo scavenger hunt, and i obliged cos i was too tired to reject him. So there were 3 tasks. In order of outrageousnous,

Task 1:

A Faux Hawk (as they call it here).

Task 2:

Finding someone willing to be written on.

Task 3:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Drag!!! Hahahahhahah for the record, i attribute the pouty idea to Junlin har har

Considering Jes had to play "hooker", mine wasn't too bad at all.



I mean to me i don't mind la. Not as if i'm unsure of my sexuality, not as if i'm too straight to do this for fun. Then again i was too tired not to do this, i was high on fatigue and inspired by Brokeback mtn hahaha So anyway after that i watched team america (f*ck yeah) and fell asleep periodically thru the movie cos i was beat, and then after that stupidly agreed to go pub with Jess and Angelo and Maya (who were watching the movie). Had a stella and 2 guinesses, and was happily watching soccer and just chilling in general at the pub, till about 4ish, then Angelo and I smashed somemore at home, before i finally retired for the night around 5.

The problem is, when i've had a significant amount to drink, i auto wake early. So i woke at 1030, and just milled around until i got more info about lunch with Qiuwei, Wilson and Niko. We had lunch at Nyonya, which was good cos we ordered so much. I'm half regretting not ordering the Mee Siam cos i've been craving that for awhile, but scared couldn't finish. Anyway after that we went to look for this hairdresser in Chinatown that used to cut for Toni and Guys, that moved to NY to pursue the fashion industry (which pays poorly in SG unless you're that celeb hairstylist Gan (cant remember his name)) cos Qiuwei and Wilson wanted to fix hair. Then i was also debating between shaving my head and coloring my hair (last chance before i become eligible for internships), so... Guess which one i chose?


I don't have a trendy picture so this will have to do first.

So anyway we all had cuts, Niko too, and i'm pretty pleased with it, except that i don't wax and this style requires waxing to look proper. But at least i look different, and i think thats what i intended anyway. Perhaps bring out a different side to me. So after that we carried on SoHo shopping (window only) and stopped to Dinnerhop at Japanese restaurants (not smart at all, but thoroughly enjoyable). Had great sushi and ramen, skewers were ok. Sake was great though, i liked. Was happily drinking with Qiuwei who was pleased to find someone fun to drink with (yes i bhb i think highly of myself as a drinker). Had some mochi ice-cream before they left to catch the chinatown bus back to Penn. Most unfortunately Qiuwei's camera decided to "soujourn to the lab" (insert Chan Lei Ping voice here) and went MIA. Couldn't find it anywhere... Ouchness. Which explains why there are no photos of them... Feel damn bad also la... So anyway after that, Oscar watching and smash brothers, before i retired for the night after setting Wilson up (who was planing back to Michigan in the morning).

And after school yesterday, had dinner with Urmi (Grace's roomie) and bunch and the Indian gang at a vegetarian restaurant (she's a Jain). Ordered pan-fried vege dumplings and "felicity mushrooms" which i enjoyed very much (though feeling abit like a panda cos i was enjoying the bamboo shoots very much too), before ending the night with icecream at B&J's (thanks Grace for getting that A) with the bunch. And then Mel came over.

Which explains why i'm up this early, blogging. It's seldom that i get to watch the sky brighten up, cos normally its right and bright when i wake. But then it's worth waking early, if just to catchup abit with Mel and to talk la. Always have a good time talking to her... Which makes me feel in a rather conversational mood, thus the compulsion to blog when i should be sleeping.

Still feeling the aches from snowboarding, wish i was home. Then at least can get cheap massage... Ooh the benefits of being home. Damn 1 hr left to "wake up time". Gonna get some sleep now yeah.

Weekend Wandering

This weekend was great
I didn't sleep too much at all
Snowboard = painful fall.

Met with some old friends
Made new ones and ate great food
Liver feels like wood.

Now its late at night
Players smash under moonlight
Can't sleep so i blog.

Memories (courtesy of Helen)

Omg i looked so young (i was 15/16 then mind you). ppl with fotos of young me, please contribute! (ie send me via msn). Amazing how far we've come now. LDS!