Looking Back
In view of the midterms coming up this week i shall attempt to keep this post short, but even then i know i am very "cheong hei" so we'll see how it goes.
I spent the weekend actually doing some work and revision, and though i didn't complete everything i thought i would, at least i did begin, and as they say, "the journey of a thousand li begins with a single step".
I wonder where the flowers have gone. I know there are some beautiful flowers around union square, but then those don't last forever. I guess flowers in general don't last forever.
So having had a dinner and a tiff to boot, i came home (a hotel, really) in a pensive mood and decided to look around before i began work or laundry (2 weeks is long enough), so i went to have a peep at the not so distant past. That little foray brought be back to this blog, and from there a whole series of entries from the end of february backward to january, along with all comments attached.
Things i realised:
No one comments on my poems cos they don't know what the hell i'm talking about. I do, of course.
I used to write better
I have friends who do occasionally look up this blog: they even comment sometimes (which makes me feel better about writing)
I can read back and see what i felt back then, what i thought back then. Very much like a pensieve, without the full action replay
I have changed again.
I have changed. Much too much for my own liking, really. Its one of those times where you realise after some deliberation that perhaps you have changed for the worse but you don't want to admit it. Who wants to be changed for the worse? I won't go into detail about how i've changed, but in general i've become more cynical (yet again), more stoic, and more taciturn. I've forgotten how to live with frivolity, nary a care in the world. Not that anyone should be frivolous and thoughtless all the time, but its that essence of childlikeness that every grownup wishes they still had. To be young at heart, a soul in pursuit of passion, perhaps just for the moment, or with some desired end stage in mind: happiness, ecstasy, contentment.
I'm no longer content. I am thankful but not content.
My thought train just derailed. I guess thats the memory part of it: i'm losing mine.
Get me those glasses with mirrors on the sides so i can look behind me without turning around.
I wish i could still turn around.
I spent the weekend actually doing some work and revision, and though i didn't complete everything i thought i would, at least i did begin, and as they say, "the journey of a thousand li begins with a single step".
I wonder where the flowers have gone. I know there are some beautiful flowers around union square, but then those don't last forever. I guess flowers in general don't last forever.
So having had a dinner and a tiff to boot, i came home (a hotel, really) in a pensive mood and decided to look around before i began work or laundry (2 weeks is long enough), so i went to have a peep at the not so distant past. That little foray brought be back to this blog, and from there a whole series of entries from the end of february backward to january, along with all comments attached.
Things i realised:
No one comments on my poems cos they don't know what the hell i'm talking about. I do, of course.
I used to write better
I have friends who do occasionally look up this blog: they even comment sometimes (which makes me feel better about writing)
I can read back and see what i felt back then, what i thought back then. Very much like a pensieve, without the full action replay
I have changed again.
I have changed. Much too much for my own liking, really. Its one of those times where you realise after some deliberation that perhaps you have changed for the worse but you don't want to admit it. Who wants to be changed for the worse? I won't go into detail about how i've changed, but in general i've become more cynical (yet again), more stoic, and more taciturn. I've forgotten how to live with frivolity, nary a care in the world. Not that anyone should be frivolous and thoughtless all the time, but its that essence of childlikeness that every grownup wishes they still had. To be young at heart, a soul in pursuit of passion, perhaps just for the moment, or with some desired end stage in mind: happiness, ecstasy, contentment.
I'm no longer content. I am thankful but not content.
My thought train just derailed. I guess thats the memory part of it: i'm losing mine.
Get me those glasses with mirrors on the sides so i can look behind me without turning around.
I wish i could still turn around.
posted by Kinfoong at 8:23 PM
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