History

So here I am taking a break from a weekend mugging session. Man, you don't know how long it took to sit me down to study.

So I was gonna see if anyone left a tag on my blog, and I realised that Estelle had been reading up some of my past entries. So I read them too, and realised that somethings hadn't changed... like inertia to work. Some things did change, like actually quitting dota. Well the next step for me is to quit all forms of gaming, whether on computer or on tv or phone. Well this weekend i've resolved to quit playing freecell or any computer game, as well as any console game including smash and mariokart. Which leaves *bubble breaker* on my fone my last resort.

Its funny how my brain is progressing. Estelle and I were talking about my brain, when I told her that back in Sec 3 i proposed to a couple of my friends that I actually had a degenerative brain disease, that we referred to as "Brain-degen-disease" and she commented on how my middle-term memory is almost non-existent. That made me feel not-so-proud of my brain always being good at remembering things that didn't matter, like knowing the capitals of at least a hundred countries, and various bits of general knowledge and random trivia questions. Maybe that's the difference between geniuses and ordinary people. Geniuses have fantastic memory access in almost all parts of their brain, and can link things up in a network of thought, and not just a linear chain of memories. Like how Virginia Woolf described differences in thought processes; Mr. Ramsay was stuck at Q, moving onto R, but geniuses had no problem with A-Z, in any order; but they occured only once a generation. I'm certainly not the one in my generation, I'm certainly no genius I'm sure of that. But I was very proud of myself for helping Estelle fasten an old duvet cover to her blinds set that set it up like a curtain, and managed to devise a method to hang up this makeshift curtain using a ribbon, a curtain hook, and a twisty wire for fastening loose wires. Talk about innovation.

I realised that I'm still unsure of the kind of academia I'd like to pursue. I always thought I would be more interested in the subjects that made me money, like econs or finance (although arguably any subject could make you money) and something related to the subject of money itself. Now that I'm taking these courses I'm not sure if I still stick by this as subjects I like studying. I like reading about marketing and business, about leadership and inspiration. It was only recently that I discovered the shocking truth: I might actually be in love with HISTORY. I love history. Remembering odd facts and weird figures, reasons for this and motives for that. What this guy did and what that guy did to counter that. Maybe it's because I like stories: Stories of success and strength, of betrayal and backstabbing, of trials and tribulations, of character and cunning. And maybe that's what I like: something with a beginning and an end, with a motive, with a reason, with characters and intangible qualities, with images of it etched in the brain with every word that makes it, with brilliant phrases and bonus expressions, with a little twist and the expected cliched ending. Maybe that's why I'm not fond of academia as a whole: hardly anything in it is a story about anything.

I look at my story, and I wonder if anyone will make it his.