243am

243am. I hate how time flies by over the weekend, especially after how I meticulously planned my schedule to exclude Fridays from my days of active school attendance. I slog for 4 days and rest for 3. Well at least rest a little and finish my work. But then for the past 4 weeks that I’ve been here, little has changed. Its Monday morning again and I struggle with concepts and new things, only to discover the extra work that had conveniently hidden itself in the deep recesses of my brain, only to be rediscovered after 2am. I’m a mujahedin in my struggle to accomplish my duty as a student. A godlike student, if I have to state explicitly. Obviously I’m far from it, having none of the zhainess that people like Shiming and Kiats possess. Or maybe I’ve lost track of the things that are supposed to guide me on my way to becoming a good student again. I remember when I was young, I’d stay up late to do work. Even when my mom asked me to go to bed, I’d tell her “look what it says on the exercise book. Today’s homework should be completed today (in Chinese).” And now look what has happened. I am a far cry from the hardworking disciplined child that I had been. I feel disgusted with myself, thinking that time has passed as such and yet I have not made significant steps to improve my position and take care of myself here. Same thing as usual. Late nights, hot eyes, stiffly nose, tired body. I’ll die sooner or later if I keep going on like this. A 3 day weekend that accomplishes nothing… Just scraps here and there, and I end up finishing most of my work on Sunday night or Monday morning anyway. Damn myself if I have to go through this again. I gotta be stricter with myself if I even want to be zhai. I wish I had the discipline I hold dear. That one factor could just be the thing that decides my results here… in a place where 85 is merely a B grade. Do well and excel, that’s what I told myself. And if I don’t make it happen… I’d have wasted my time, my parents’ money and time, and made a fool of myself. I can’t live with mediocrity anymore cos that’s not what’s expected from me. I can’t live with not living up to who I could be. Once upon a time I could. But then everybody has to grow up, and so do I. No excuses. So what if I have a heavy schedule? I’m sure anyone with a heavy schedule in NYU will still be keeping up. Hell yeah I’m keeping up but my body’s gonna break down. Or my mind if I keep going like this. So strange isn’t it, ranting and raving on my blog considering I don’t do this often at all, but there’s always a first for everything. And the coming weekend better be the first that I finish most of my work by Friday. IT BETTER BE or somebody’s gonna get hurt real bad. Wish me luck for my tests. -End of 13 min rant.

btw i slept at 630 am.