Writing Woes, Mr Orwell.
Hey all,
Once again I find myself in a rut. Maybe its writer’s block. Maybe its just plain laziness. Either way, my work’s not done.
I wish I were more of the person I could be. That I could be a shining example of a person—someone who dared to be the best he could be; someone who braved the hardships of scholarly toil; someone who believed in a higher purpose in the greater scheme of things.
Perhaps I was not meant to be a student. I involuntarily doze off during class. Since secondary school, as far as I can remember, I have been training up for my position as one of the 4 great sleeping kings in 58th CTC Syndicate 4. Most memorably in Physics with Ms Fong (Lay Lian) and Chem with Ms Ng (Lai Har), whether front row or not, whether I had water to drink or not. My writing trawls off mid-word into an unintelligible scrawl of ridges and troughs, perhaps the signature of a man named nrmrnmrnmrnr_mn_. Believe when you see my Econs notes from JC. I fall asleep on top of a hill at SAF training ground while I ask the instructor a question. I take a micronap on my feet waiting for the traffic lights to change, only to wake up with everyone on the other side looking right back at me. I bang my head several times against the glass partition in sync with the train running on its rails in the MRT on the way to school as there is no place to sit and sleep. I’ve even fallen asleep during my A level Chinese paper. ‘Nuff said.
Perhaps I was made to prowl the streets of Baghdad with a rifle in my hand and a SBO round my waist. Perhaps I was made to feed bullets to virtual terrorists in de_dust, or survive on an income provided by the Mmmmmonsterkills that I get. Perhaps I was made with Wall Street trading in mind. Perhaps I was made with an affinity for teaching, especially the outdoors. Perhaps I was made for adventure racing. Perhaps I was made to sit around all day and slack and watch movies.
I’m not a great student, really, but I’m trying to be one. With discipline anywhere near the likes of the ‘shens’ we all know, and I’m sure I can make it somewhere, somehow. Just a quarter of Luke, or a fifth of Kiats, or an eighth of YangYang, and maybe I just might be someone.
Its 1am. Time to get on the job.
Once again I find myself in a rut. Maybe its writer’s block. Maybe its just plain laziness. Either way, my work’s not done.
I wish I were more of the person I could be. That I could be a shining example of a person—someone who dared to be the best he could be; someone who braved the hardships of scholarly toil; someone who believed in a higher purpose in the greater scheme of things.
Perhaps I was not meant to be a student. I involuntarily doze off during class. Since secondary school, as far as I can remember, I have been training up for my position as one of the 4 great sleeping kings in 58th CTC Syndicate 4. Most memorably in Physics with Ms Fong (Lay Lian) and Chem with Ms Ng (Lai Har), whether front row or not, whether I had water to drink or not. My writing trawls off mid-word into an unintelligible scrawl of ridges and troughs, perhaps the signature of a man named nrmrnmrnmrnr_mn_. Believe when you see my Econs notes from JC. I fall asleep on top of a hill at SAF training ground while I ask the instructor a question. I take a micronap on my feet waiting for the traffic lights to change, only to wake up with everyone on the other side looking right back at me. I bang my head several times against the glass partition in sync with the train running on its rails in the MRT on the way to school as there is no place to sit and sleep. I’ve even fallen asleep during my A level Chinese paper. ‘Nuff said.
Perhaps I was made to prowl the streets of Baghdad with a rifle in my hand and a SBO round my waist. Perhaps I was made to feed bullets to virtual terrorists in de_dust, or survive on an income provided by the Mmmmmonsterkills that I get. Perhaps I was made with Wall Street trading in mind. Perhaps I was made with an affinity for teaching, especially the outdoors. Perhaps I was made for adventure racing. Perhaps I was made to sit around all day and slack and watch movies.
I’m not a great student, really, but I’m trying to be one. With discipline anywhere near the likes of the ‘shens’ we all know, and I’m sure I can make it somewhere, somehow. Just a quarter of Luke, or a fifth of Kiats, or an eighth of YangYang, and maybe I just might be someone.
Its 1am. Time to get on the job.
posted by Kinfoong at 12:37 AM
4 Comments:
It's very important to get enough sleep. I usually did in uni, except those times when I had something due the next day. Sleeping enough will allow you to learn new material in class better and concentrate on finishing your essay. Get enough sleep unless you have a good reason not to. By this I mean sleep at night, not naps.
Finding a balance in life (of work and play or anything else) and the discipline required to maintain that balance is hard for most people. I think for those of us for which discipline is not yet routine, every waking moment is a decision whether to do one thing or another. You must constantly remind yourself of what you think you should do. Discipline is an ongoing thing I think, not an on/off switch that you press and then proclaim, from now on, i shall be discplined. Every moment that you chose to do work over sleep/playing games/daydreaming etc., you're one step closer to being discplined. I think for people like those friends you mentioned, discipline has become routine after years and years of practice so they don't have to be making a decision about what to do every waking moment of your school life. It's like they've trained themselves to become disciplined on autopilot.
For problems or reading, it's much easier to just make yourself do it. For essays, it's much harder. I agree. You could try starting with an outline first and typing notes about what to write under each major point. Organize the ideas swimmming around in your head and think up new ideas as you organize the existing ideas. THen when you write the essay proper you already have some material to work with.
For Orwell, you can also look online on websites for ideas about whata others say about him. You can also search jstor (electronic articles database) and find academic journal articles on orwell's writing.
I used to wonder too how those powerhouses did it. Be good at studies and eca and leadership and friends and everything else. In uni, maybe because I was away from many of them, I think I thought less about them.
In uni, there were so many new things to do and to learn. I found things I liked to do, things that I was good at, things which I had an opinion about. I felt good about my strengths, my preferences, and about myself overall. In a way, I could say that I found my own path.
So I say this, find your own path. Concentrate on what you are doing, don't worry about other people. Explore new things, form an opinion about things, find what you like to do, find what you are good at. (I think you have done the 1st 2 more, and the last 2 somewhat less.) Discover yourself, and be proud of who you are and the fact that you are a unique individual.
Of course, you can still look at others as a reference point. Sometimes we don't even think of doing some things, and we survey the people around us to see what they are doing. But only do this to open options up to yourself, not to copy them wholesale.
i don t know.
i read leafsymutt s comments
do i know him/her?
i just thought i d leave a few words.
why do people always want to be somebody? to be disciplined and all that jazz.. as an entirely ill-disciplined person perhaps somewhat like you i suddenly wondered if we wish to be so merely because we wan tto be like those shens? maybe they have cultivated those "good" habits over time, maybe we haven t. yet does this mean that we should be like them? why? to be more efficient, to be a "better" man or what?
can not one just be, the slacker that one is? do we fear falling behind others that much or do we truly feel that being disciplined and all that jazz is what we want ourselves to be?
this is probably not a very helpful comment, it might even have a negative impact... but my point is..
do you really want to be... someone?
i quote me; "i don t know" but perhaps you might. or perhaps life is just not worth all that jazz.
i believe once you wake up your idea everything will begin to fall into place. the main problem is whether you want to wake up.
i don t know
Thanks for responding, and jl who are you? first time i see you posting.. Anyway i pretty much know what i want to be... It may not be the only way to go, but i do aspire to be someone--At least that way i know i'm making good use of my time, even though i'm not always doing that. But i know discipline is something that is a constant choice... Army has taught me that. Its about wishing that with adequate amounts of discipline, i can reconcile my needs with my wants, my shoulds.
At the moment i wrote this, i was rather torn. Maybe writers block? Just didnt feel like writing, just couldnt sit down. It was like sitting down on a chair of nails. That i'd rather subject myself to other forms of torture than that. Oh well, i did finish it anyway and my teacher said it was not bad. ok gotta improve on it. thanks folks
Post a Comment
<< Home