Catching up
Ok i know i've got alot of catching up to do. I'm actually really tired by the way. Got into a spell of inactivity. It was amazingly hard to get out of it, even though deadlines were pressing and i'm not playing DotA anymore. Apparently minesweeper and freecell are also games of intense concentration. Good thing is:
one dota game = 15 freecell games
or
one dota game = many attempts at minesweeper
and given that i can stop anytime, that a rash impulse to begin another game will not result in the commitment of another hour of energy, its much more attractive to waste time playing freecell and minesweeper. Besides, it teases the brain's logical wiring.
Bad thing is:
the game's short so you think another game won't hurt. When you're on a streak, you say you'll stop when u get stuck; when you finally lose the level, you not happy so u gotta play another round.
Result:
A whole load of time wasted. On sunday night i stayed up till 5 am trying to get my juices flowing for my overdue essay exercises, but they just wouldn't come out. Believe me i was tired way before 5, but i gave up that late cos i was stuck minesweeping and freecelling.
Its been quite awhile since i've last experienced inertia in such a huge magnitude. Over here, i end up finishing my work on sunday or monday nights cos thursday nights till saturday are for "relaxing". Before i got here i was enjoying my ORD break, and there was inertia not to do anything useful, but spend the time thinking about what i wanted out of life (which of course then included lots of fun playing dota). Back during army days, i had inertia in the weekends cos i just wanted to relax and rest, unwind. Back in JC days i had inertia getting to do my tutorials. That one was major inertia. Cos the failure to act resulted in major casualties: my results. Of course, this general inertia during JC was felt by most mortals (including myself)... Some of whom incidentally required one particularly motivated member of the group to take action before the rest moved (Huishan's Law) and others who waited at a particular table after PT or anything for about an hour and a half before anyone got moving (tsk tsk ding dongs). And now? Inertia to do essays. inertia to finish up spanish work. Inertia to get up and read up on the Middle East.
Its times like this when you get frustrated and proclaim that everything is pointless since you can't even control your own life. The thing is, we actually can but we choose not to, for whichever reasons. Tyler Durden subconsciously grabbed control of his own life and created an alternate reality for himself. Could i do that consciously? Could i create for myself an aura of Zhainess that will remain throughout my life (or at least the remaining years of my studenthood)? Cultivate the raw power of will over everything else... Pure discipline in its essence.
Finish all work!
Run 10km!
Become a walking thesaurus!
And a part time encyclopedia!
Swim a mile!
Do weights!
Score A's!
Edit drafts!
The sad thing is that even with my sacrificial offering of decent sleep, of pure deep slumber, these dreams do not even begin to appear in my dreams. I recently dreamt of a spanish translator talking to me. It would have been nice if i was the translator. I dream of irrelevant dreams that only serve to drain my brain of its thinkjuice. Dreams that mean nothing... Like the static on a TV screen... That still uses electricity without charging the batteries. I'd rather never ever have dreams again in exchange for 4 excellent hours of sleep every night. The kind of sleep that makes u wake up and feel like running. The kind of sleep that loosens the knots in your shoulders caused by the stress of worry. The kind of sleep that you gladly wake up from, because you know more sleep will tire you out instead.
I wish the BFG should give me a good dream tonight. A dream crowned with an aura of Zhainess. Or a simple dream of soccer (astroturf optional), or a day at the beach, or just playing cards and chilling somewhere. Or a dream with huishan in it. Or a dream of winning ToTo with the winning numbers etched in my head.
And until then, all i can dream about is less work and good grades.
Since this entry now looks too long, i shall start another on the things i thought i might talk about concerning the weekend.
one dota game = 15 freecell games
or
one dota game = many attempts at minesweeper
and given that i can stop anytime, that a rash impulse to begin another game will not result in the commitment of another hour of energy, its much more attractive to waste time playing freecell and minesweeper. Besides, it teases the brain's logical wiring.
Bad thing is:
the game's short so you think another game won't hurt. When you're on a streak, you say you'll stop when u get stuck; when you finally lose the level, you not happy so u gotta play another round.
Result:
A whole load of time wasted. On sunday night i stayed up till 5 am trying to get my juices flowing for my overdue essay exercises, but they just wouldn't come out. Believe me i was tired way before 5, but i gave up that late cos i was stuck minesweeping and freecelling.
Its been quite awhile since i've last experienced inertia in such a huge magnitude. Over here, i end up finishing my work on sunday or monday nights cos thursday nights till saturday are for "relaxing". Before i got here i was enjoying my ORD break, and there was inertia not to do anything useful, but spend the time thinking about what i wanted out of life (which of course then included lots of fun playing dota). Back during army days, i had inertia in the weekends cos i just wanted to relax and rest, unwind. Back in JC days i had inertia getting to do my tutorials. That one was major inertia. Cos the failure to act resulted in major casualties: my results. Of course, this general inertia during JC was felt by most mortals (including myself)... Some of whom incidentally required one particularly motivated member of the group to take action before the rest moved (Huishan's Law) and others who waited at a particular table after PT or anything for about an hour and a half before anyone got moving (tsk tsk ding dongs). And now? Inertia to do essays. inertia to finish up spanish work. Inertia to get up and read up on the Middle East.
Its times like this when you get frustrated and proclaim that everything is pointless since you can't even control your own life. The thing is, we actually can but we choose not to, for whichever reasons. Tyler Durden subconsciously grabbed control of his own life and created an alternate reality for himself. Could i do that consciously? Could i create for myself an aura of Zhainess that will remain throughout my life (or at least the remaining years of my studenthood)? Cultivate the raw power of will over everything else... Pure discipline in its essence.
Finish all work!
Run 10km!
Become a walking thesaurus!
And a part time encyclopedia!
Swim a mile!
Do weights!
Score A's!
Edit drafts!
The sad thing is that even with my sacrificial offering of decent sleep, of pure deep slumber, these dreams do not even begin to appear in my dreams. I recently dreamt of a spanish translator talking to me. It would have been nice if i was the translator. I dream of irrelevant dreams that only serve to drain my brain of its thinkjuice. Dreams that mean nothing... Like the static on a TV screen... That still uses electricity without charging the batteries. I'd rather never ever have dreams again in exchange for 4 excellent hours of sleep every night. The kind of sleep that makes u wake up and feel like running. The kind of sleep that loosens the knots in your shoulders caused by the stress of worry. The kind of sleep that you gladly wake up from, because you know more sleep will tire you out instead.
I wish the BFG should give me a good dream tonight. A dream crowned with an aura of Zhainess. Or a simple dream of soccer (astroturf optional), or a day at the beach, or just playing cards and chilling somewhere. Or a dream with huishan in it. Or a dream of winning ToTo with the winning numbers etched in my head.
And until then, all i can dream about is less work and good grades.
Since this entry now looks too long, i shall start another on the things i thought i might talk about concerning the weekend.
posted by Kinfoong at 7:33 PM
3 Comments:
Hey.. dun worry u r not alone. When i was working on my modernism essay and was very pressed for time, I kept on playing freecell n minesweeper too.. haha! I understand, u juz want to do something mindless cuz the creative juices are not flowing. n naturally when u go to sleep u have a sick feeling in ur stomach which prevents you from sleeping well. Itz not that you are the only person who experiences this, so dun tink itz bcuz u dun ahve the aura of zhainess. The difference is juz when you stop worrying n juz start really throwing urself in the material. N no matter wat keep track of the time. As in, know when you need to finish it by, that kind of self-imposed deadline works on me i feel. and when the juices r not flowing, go n walk ard or sth, instead of playing the games. like go out n have a breath of fresh air.. or better still instead of playing juz sleep. I also got a suggestion, disconnect the mouse, and hide it away or sth. itz pretty frustratign to play anything without the mouse. So that you'll spned more time resting ur stressed out brain.
You can do it, u juz need to motivate urself more positively all the time. Hence my friends commented that I had a lot of weird nicks on msn when i was doing that bloodysonofabitch essay. =)
hmmm love my darling!
Make yourself a schedule and try to keep to it. Discpline is easier if it becomes a routine. Then doing what you planned to do becomes simply doing the regular thing rather than forcing yourself to do something.
Army was structured and scheduled and that probably helped with the discipline.
identify things and places and people that get in your way of doing what you need to do, and then avoid them. So if you room is distracting with bed, for example, go study in the library or cafe or anywhere with a table. If internet or computer games are in the way, bring just your books and pens and study somewhere else. If quiet lulls you to sleep, choose a place with many people around to study, like a cafe or get friends to study with you.
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